Feeling Lost Is A Part Of Parenting

Let's be real, feeling lost is 100% a part of momm-ing and parenting. Navigating that lost feeling can be difficult and exhausting but let's chat about the journey, shall we?

If you're a mom or a parent, you've definitely lost yourself at one point or another. Whether it was a week after birth, a year. Ten or even twenty years, it has happened. If it hasn't, it will. Here's what I've learned. It's okay to not be okay.

As life evolves, we are evolving personally as well. We are a constant character of change. When we become parents we immediately evolve into someone we've never been. Think about that for a minute. Life is gradual change over time with so many things but with child birth and becoming a parent, it changes in the snap of a finger. Suddenly you are responsible for this tiny little bundle. Your hormones are raging which by the way, nobody really talks about. They may talk about it now in 2023 now that society is becoming more vocal, but when I had my first baby 9 years ago I was lost. Navigating that lost terrain was very new and extremely difficult. I read all of the baby books, had so many apps on my phone I lost count. I had a million baby apps telling me what size my baby was and the fun things to look forward to. I read the famous "What To Expect When You're Expecting." Having done all of this research and reading all of the baby things, I never really saw or read anything about simply losing one's self. Did you?

Parenting is an abundance of joy and fear all at the same time. There is nothing you will ever experience that is as exciting and as scary as being a first-time parent. You've grown up all these years knowing how to bathe yourself, how to change your underwear on a daily basis (let's hope you do anyway and if you don't - let's chat), how to eat meals on your own and even knowing when you're hungry. Along comes this little bundle that you've prayed for, couldn't be more excited about but also changes your life completely.

Parenting is hard at all times; However, the first 6 months are brutal. In my experience, the 4-6 month mark will cause you to question everything you've done in life, how you've gotten to where you currently are. Your emotions are like a wild roller coaster without a seat belt. If you're currently a mom, I am likely triggering some visualization on what your first 4-6 months were like as a first time parent. Wild ride, am I right?

I remember being scared (excuse the language) shitless when the nurses handed me my baby boy. My emotions were all over the place. I was so happy to meet him. I dreamt of having a little boy. But I was also so fearful of not knowing anything yet I felt as prepared as I could be. Things change drastically when the baby is actually in your arms. This is when that lost feeling begins. You're lost at life and we learn as we grow, right?

You have all the feels. You feel lost in your routine because we are all creatures of habit and we all love our routines in daily life. It's what makes us feel safe and comfortable. But you're absolutely 110% out of that routine or life as you knew it. You're dragging, you haven't brushed your hair in over a week, you remember once every other day that you probably should be brushing your teeth, you're only eating 1/4 of your meals because generally, a minute after you sit down the baby needs to eat. You and your spouse are overly exhausted and while communicating is key, often times discussing things during these times seems even more exhausting than what daily life has been like.

The first step to coping with feelings of being lost is to acknowledge that parenting (or momm-ing) isn't always what you imagined. It's messy. It's unpredictable. It's literally a constant state of overwhelm and that's okay. You have to be able to lean on others and pull from what I like to call your tool box.

So, how do we navigate feeling lost? In today's time I think expectations vs. reality is our biggest dilemma. We heavily rely on social media to tell us like it is. Funny thing about that, is that's almost never how it actually is. Of course we love seeing all the beauty in parenting, how "cute" the kids are, how these families are able to provide for their children, the amazing adventures each family gets to explore and the memories they all get to experience and share. I mean, let's set this straight - nobody likes constant complaining and negativity especially those that are trying to build a business. You generally won't see anyone trying to build a business discussing real life and how hard it is to dig yourself out. However, the highlight reels of other parent journeys can make you question your own abilities. This my friends, can make you feel lost.

Nobody has it together all the time and you need to know that.

We need to think about our tools and how we can utilize our personal tool boxes when it comes to feeling lost.

Seek support. As hard as this was to do for me, it is crucial for your mental well-being. For me personally, I have found that writing things down allows me to feel more than talking about it. It allows me to process before jumping to conclusions or playing mind games in my own head. Coming from a childhood where I wasn't allowed to say much, I just listened. I now understand why writing is so easy. Take a shot at it. Your thoughts don't always have to make sense but I will tell you it is so incredibly helpful to physically get it out. Out on paper. Out of your mind. If you feel like you don't have anyone to turn to or you'd really love to connect with someone that doesn't know your background, someone without bias - reach out to me as I would love to connect. You are never alone and you don't have to do it alone either.

Focus on Connection. With today's uncertainty and chaos remember your primary goal of parenting. We are trying to build a strong and loving connection for our babies.

Download the app. Get an app that will give you daily motivation and encouragement. It may seem silly or sound useless but I can't stress this enough, it helps. I currently use the "I AM" app and the "daily motivation" app. I use one as personal growth with a combination of daily affirmations. I use the other to affirm I am a strong mom and woman. What I love most about them is you can tailor them to your wants and needs.

Get outside. Whether it's taking a hike or going for a jaunt. I highly recommend taking a walk even if for some reason it is physically difficult to do so. Take the walk. Go get your mail. Walk to your neighbors house and embrace the sunlight. Embrace the fact your body is still physically able to get from point A to point B. Soak in the sun even if you're only outside for 4 minutes. It will help you and break up the daily monotony.

These are tools one can use regardless of feeling lost but they will absolutely help regroup and reset you. I promise.

Stay tuned for upcoming blogs discussing what life is like being a mom working remotely.